Dear Baltimore,
Oh how I love thee! Just today I was thinking of how many famous and super important people call you home or at least did before they became notable. There are famous politicians like Spiro Agnew, Nancy Pelosi, and Thurgood Marshall. Musical artists like Frank Zappa, Billie Holliday, and David Byrne. Atheletes like Cal Ripken Jr and Babe Ruth. Writers like HL Mencken, Edgar Allan Poe, and Upton Sinclair. Entertainers like Barry Levinson, Anna Faris, and Pat Sajak. Even people not worth mentioning like David Hasselhoff, Stacy Kiebler, and Montel Williams have lived in/been born in Baltimore!
All of those people get props for having done time in Charm City but people who live here mainly talk about the holy trifecta of famous people: John Waters (the director), Michael Phelps (the olympian), and Jenna Bush (the 1st Daughter). In my head...I wonder what they would talk about if they ever got together.
John: Thanks for coming for tea you guys!
Michael: Uh, thanks.
Jenna: It was so sweet of you to invite us over. I hope the secret service guys weren't too rough.
John: Are you kidding?! I've paid for worse. That reminds me. Michael, have you ever...
Michael: No I haven't met Ms. Bush before! It's nice to meet you. Would you like to feel my abs?
Jenna:Um, no thanks. I just got married.
Michael: Oh yeah! To that Willy Wonka lookin' dude right?
John: What's his name again? No matter how many times I read it I can never remember it.
Jenna: You know John...I'm not sure what his first name is and everyone still calls me Jenna Bush. I think my husbands name is something whitebread like...John or Michael! haha, Anyway I just call him 'honey.'
John: I can never remember the names of the men in my life either sweetie.
Michael: I don't really think about names to much. With one exception: Michael F*cking Phelps!
John: Can I touch your abs?
Michael: Ummmmm, so Jenna why did you pick Federal Hill to live in? I picked Fell's Point because that's where the new condo's are being built and several Ravens cheerleaders live nearby.
Jenna: I really like all the history of Federal Hill..
John: History of hating your family! Sorry, I thought that was the obvious joke.
Jenna: It's ok John. Anyways I better get going. Honey will be home and wanting dinner so I need to go let the chef in our house.
Michael: Yeah. I better get going too. I have to film a commercial for Armor All. They want me to lay on a car in my LZ1 and get upholstry cleaner shot on me. Thanks for the tea and brownies.
John: Those weren't brownies......
I promise I tried to find a picture of Michael Phelps with a shirt on. Such a thing does not exist.
Why no picture of Jenna? Could you not find one of her with her shirt on?
ReplyDeleteI believe you mean Spiro Agnew. I was taught to remember his name with a small phrase that can be created by rearranging the letters of his name, grow A -----
Good catch on the typo. It is now corrected. Isn't that Jenna Bush giving the rock star salute?
ReplyDeleteThanks Adam! I needed a good laugh. Peace!
ReplyDeletejohn waters looks like an old josh forgie with a thin mustache.
ReplyDelete