Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Myth of the Cool Dad

By most accounts I am still a young man.  When I tell people I'm 26 I feel the weight of that immaturity.  I still have the vanity of a young man.  I have a situation that makes me struggle with my that vanity though: Babies.  

The young man vanity dies hard.  I can try to dress like a young man.  I can work on all the hottest slang.  I can go to a bar or a concert and sometimes slip in with the undergrads unnoticed.   I can even try my damndest to have adult conversation with someone.  All of that is merely temporary because I'm a father.  And part of being a father is being degraded by and for my children.

Before I had kids I Loved Halloween because I could dress up as Zutroy the Vampire Clown.  I'd  put on a cloak, a cape, fangs, and clown makeup.  It was awesome.   May I present you with my last 3 halloweens.

Halloween 2008 
101 Dalmations (Melissa was Cruella DeVille)

Halloween 2007
The Rubbles -Barney, Betty, and BamBam

Halloween 2006
Peanuts -Lucy, Charlie Brown, and Snoopy

Folks, welcome to the world of theme costumes.  Goodbye Vanity.  At least I still have more dignity than these babies.  

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Jason Mraz: Guilty Pleasure #1

Jason Mraz. Man I hate that guy. I hate how I turn up his music and sing along with it when I'm in the car. I REALLY hate that I spent an hour the other night watching live clips of his on Youtube. Why is he able to write such clever quicky lyrics and sing them with a sincerely beautiful voice? I want to punch him in the face.

Jason Mraz reminds me of Justin Timberlake in the way that you will NEVER see a (straight) guy put him in the "favorite music" section of their profile but you'll find his mp3's in their playlists.  Plus, I'm sure that either of those guys would be totally cool if they met some regular dude that is a fan since they are used to girls just fawning over them.  They'd be thrilled to talk me about seasonal beers and college football.

Other things I hate about Jason Mraz:
1. Association w/Trucker Hat movement a few years back
2. Self Reference in every song (Usually about his rhyming ability)
3. Fact that my wife wishes I'd dress like him

I saw Jason Mraz live back in 2004.  He played Freedom Weekend Aloft.  FWA is a festival in South Carolina centered around hot air balloons and usually a radio station will spend their entire years worth of marketing budget on trying to book a band someone has heard of.  Mraz went on before Fuel and Live.  He came out to a crowd that wanted to hate him.....and owned it.   Just him and some gigantic dude playing djembe playing in front of 5,000 people.   He earned my respect but not any of my money.....yet.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Local Celebrities: Charm City Love Letter #1

Dear Baltimore,

Oh how I love thee! Just today I was thinking of how many famous and super important people call you home or at least did before they became notable. There are famous politicians like Spiro Agnew, Nancy Pelosi, and Thurgood Marshall. Musical artists like Frank Zappa, Billie Holliday, and David Byrne. Atheletes like Cal Ripken Jr and Babe Ruth. Writers like HL Mencken, Edgar Allan Poe, and Upton Sinclair. Entertainers like Barry Levinson, Anna Faris, and Pat Sajak. Even people not worth mentioning like David Hasselhoff, Stacy Kiebler, and Montel Williams have lived in/been born in Baltimore!

All of those people get props for having done time in Charm City but people who live here mainly talk about the holy trifecta of famous people: John Waters (the director), Michael Phelps (the olympian), and Jenna Bush (the 1st Daughter). In my head...I wonder what they would talk about if they ever got together.

John: Thanks for coming for tea you guys!

Michael: Uh, thanks.

Jenna: It was so sweet of you to invite us over. I hope the secret service guys weren't too rough.

John: Are you kidding?! I've paid for worse. That reminds me. Michael, have you ever...

Michael: No I haven't met Ms. Bush before! It's nice to meet you. Would you like to feel my abs?

Jenna:Um, no thanks. I just got married.

Michael: Oh yeah! To that Willy Wonka lookin' dude right?

John: What's his name again? No matter how many times I read it I can never remember it.

Jenna: You know John...I'm not sure what his first name is and everyone still calls me Jenna Bush. I think my husbands name is something whitebread like...John or Michael! haha, Anyway I just call him 'honey.'

John: I can never remember the names of the men in my life either sweetie.

Michael: I don't really think about names to much. With one exception: Michael F*cking Phelps!

John: Can I touch your abs?

Michael: Ummmmm, so Jenna why did you pick Federal Hill to live in? I picked Fell's Point because that's where the new condo's are being built and several Ravens cheerleaders live nearby.

Jenna: I really like all the history of Federal Hill..

John: History of hating your family! Sorry, I thought that was the obvious joke.

Jenna: It's ok John. Anyways I better get going. Honey will be home and wanting dinner so I need to go let the chef in our house.

Michael: Yeah. I better get going too. I have to film a commercial for Armor All. They want me to lay on a car in my LZ1 and get upholstry cleaner shot on me. Thanks for the tea and brownies.

John: Those weren't brownies......

I promise I tried to find a picture of Michael Phelps with a shirt on. Such a thing does not exist.